Catholic Parenting: Fighting the Long Defeat

It may seem from the title that I've come to preach hopelessness. I have not. First off, let me openly say that I have no hands-on experience when it comes to having children or raising them. I used to babysit my little sisters, but that is as far as my hands-on knowledge goes. However, it should not bother people as Catholics to take time to read/listen to a little advice from a guy with no marriage and no kids, on marriage and kids. If it does bother you, then your Priest and the Pope should bother you as well.

The phrase, "Fighting the Long Defeat," comes from JRR Tolkien's Maserpiece, "The Lord of the Rings" (it was meant by John to be one book, his publisher broke it up into 3 segments). It is a phrase that the ancient Elves use to describe battling the powers of darkness that come from the hand of Sauron, who in the novel is the archetype of Satan. Sauron commands the orcs, who are fallen, misshapen, disgusting Elves. The Elves are the descendants of the Valar, the people of light.

The novel reaches its climax at the cataclysmic battle of the White City, the City of Minas Tirith, the City of Kings.

John Tolkien was a devout and pious Catholic. He wrote to his dear friend CS Lewis and said that though his novel was not meant to be a direct allegory like the Chronicles of Narnia, it was indeed an explicitly Catholic work.

I relate that to Catholic parenting. The Elves knew that a renewal would come, sooner or later the heir of Isuldur, the rightful ruler of Minas Tirith, would return men to their rightful status of virtue, love, and justice. Hence why part 3 is called, "The Return of the King."

We Catholics (I'm a catechumen, but if I die, I die Catholic) are also anxiously awaiting the return of our Great King, who will make all things new. Until then though, we will surely be fighting a Long Defeat. Why? Because the entirety of the popular culture is ferociously opposed to Catholicism. Not necessarily against Protestant Evangelicalism so much, but definitely against Catholicism. The Enemy knows that Catholicism is the Fullness of the Truth, of the Gospel, and is the True Church. Therefore he bombards young people with songs, books, movies, posters, magazines, and media that tell us we don't need the Catholic Church. That we don't need religion, or God, or marriage, or even set morality. Parents need to be aware that their teenage boys are seeing scantily clad women on TV, on billboards, maybe even at school, and definitely on the computer. The average American boy is first exposed to graphic pornography by the age of 8.

You wanna know what I find even worse though? Girls are first exposed to books, TV shows, magazines, and posters that tell them they are just a trophy to be won, an object to be had, and a sexual territory to be conquered long before they reach the age of 8.

These, and many reasons more, are why Catholic parents can never be lax about the Faith around their children. Children NEED to see their parents praying and pray with them. They NEED to see their parents reading the Bible and read it with them. They NEED to see their parents Biblically and Historically defending the Faith, and be taught how to defend it. Every single ex-Catholic I talk to says very similar stuff: "Well, it was just something we did on Sunday." "It was more of a hobby for my parents." "My parents never taught me about it, I was always confused." "It was only a family thing, a tradition really, and I found no interest in it." These folks tell me that they were raised Catholic, but their parents only took them to confession once. Or, "We were Catholic, but rarely went to Church." I always want to tell these people, "You may have been raised with a crucifix in the home, but you weren't RAISED Catholic."

One hour on Sunday morning is not enough, folks. The vast majority of what people believe about spirituality, life, morals, and the world, they learn from their parents. If prayer, going to Church, going to confession, the Bible, Church history, or ethics are not taken seriously by you, then I can guarantee you that they won't be taken seriously by your children either.

There are many simple ways to raise and build your kids in the Faith. 1. Read the Bible to them, and teach it to them. This is as easy as pie, because the Catholic Church has Daily Mass Readings, the Lectionary. One Old Testament passage, one Epistle passage, and one Gospel passage. And trust me, the passages always line up. You can teach your kids the Bible, and also how the Old and New Testaments link together. If you don't have a Missal, then just go on USCCB.Org, and look up the daily reading. Within a 3-Year Cycle of the Lectionary, you will have taught the entirety of sacred scripture to your children. Every single verse (Well, except for some of the genealogy verses). 2. Pray the Rosary with, and for, your kids. Simple salad, folks. You don't wanna eat it, and neither will they, but it's good for you. 3. Teach them the history of the Church. Look up the writings of the early Church Fathers, look up the battles the Church has had with heresies, research the Ecumenical Councils. And definitely research into what REALLY happened during the Crusades, because movies and the media drastically misrepresent them. 4. Go to Church. You don't want to be the one lamenting that your 20 year old is no longer Catholic because your family only ever went to Mass for Christmas and Easter. You don't want to be that face that sticks out because you only show up twice a year. The priest and parishners don't bite - I promise. Going to Mass will have a big impact on your children and help strengthen you in your faith too. 5. Tell your kids to ask you any and all questions they have about the Faith, because odds are, you'll both learn something. Why? Cuz usually it is kids who ask the hard-hitters. 6. Listen to them and the problems they face. You'd be surprised how often kids will take how you act toward them, and project it onto Jesus and Mary. The father of the home is meant to be the Priest, Prophet, and King of his family. Meaning he is meant to be the spiritual head, as Christ is head of the Church, his body. If your body hurts, you feel it. And if you care about yourself, you react to try and heal it. The father is supposed to be the spiritual fortress of the family, that anyone or everyone in the family can find shelter in, and protection from the storms of life.

The mother is meant to be the heart, the pulse, the blood flow of the family. As the Holy Ghost is the voice of Jesus, the wife is the voice of the husband. His hands and feet. God called Eve Adam's helper, and Jesus sent us his Helper. The head, the husband, cannot live without the heart, his bride. The mother is the counselor, the emotional foundation, and the caregiver.

If fathers don't act like Jesus, and mothers don't act like Mary, then the children will indeed notice. This translates into how you treat them, and if you actually listen to their problems, if you truly invest having a relationship with them. Am I saying you should be BFFs? Actually I would advise against that. They need a loving and accessible parent, yes, but a parent nonetheless. But I do advise that you have invested one-on-one time with each of them every day of their young life. At least 5-10 minutes. Ask them how they are, anything new? anything exciting? anyone you like? etc. But most importantly, "Is anything bothering you that you want to talk about?"

I hope that these tips have inspired or helped you. We need to reclaim the young people for the Faith, for the Church. We must draw up battle lines against Secularism and Anti-Catholicism, because they have drawn them up against us, and are on the offensive. We need to launch a counter-assault. How do we do that? Through raising up this next generation of Catholics, millions of people, who are passionate about the Church and able to defend the Faith "Once for all delivered to the Saints."